Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
