Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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