when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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