I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
