Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Girls should come with a carfax report
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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