I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
