i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
