Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
