The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
