He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
