I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
