i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
