I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
