You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i was born a porn star she said
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
