If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
