he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
