Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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