we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
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def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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