everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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