I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
