hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
