You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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