I hate all girls vehemently.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
