We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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