He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
