Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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