Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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