What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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