Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
