you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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