i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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