note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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