booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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