I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
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you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
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He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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