I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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