Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Mom said you looked used
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
