Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
