i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
