Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
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When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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