I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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