1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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