im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
