If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
