I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
