I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
