you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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