Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
