she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
