If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
