She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
