Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
