anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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