so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You smell like a Billy Joel song
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
