I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
