im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
