ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
