And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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