You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
