So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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