I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
