I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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