I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
