Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
