So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You can't special order awesome
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
