omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
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