like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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