First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
