Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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