So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
