i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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