Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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